Twinkle twinkle little star

Hey friends, me again…

Wasn’t planning on writing again before xmas, but I’ve got that much swirling round my head and some news, I thought, fuck it, you guys can be my free therapy..

Last week I got to see my beautiful daughter in her nativity/carol performance. I was so super proud of her. She stood on stage and showed us what she was made of. She sparkled like the star she was chosen to be and I could hear those cracking lungs above any other kid. That’s my girl… I adore how unapologetically herself she is. Doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Oh the joy of being a 4 year old!!

I feel so fucking lucky that I’m still around to be able to attend these milestones in her life. I only hope she remembers In years to come my little emotional face in the audience cheering her on as I am truly her biggest fan.

However, it absolutely terrifies me that this could be the only nativity I get to see?? What if I’m not here to see her next Christmas? How shit is it that every beautiful thing I get to witness I can put a negative spin on it. Do other people do this or is it just my shit head & what cancers turned me into.

On another hand.. I had my last apt with Dr L before Xmas yesterday and he told me that he thinks my new drugs are WORKING and my CT shows alot of stability throughout my body. This is just mega news, finally a drug that’s lasted longer than 6 months.. BUT he has put me on a 3 week treatment break to allow my body/skin to recover. My energy/appetite/taste etc will all start to come back for Christmas and I couldn’t think of a better present (other than the results) for me and my chums.

I hope you all have a fabulous family Christmas and celebrate all the love you have for one another.

Here’s to being here to bring in another year. 2024 I’ve got you.

From ‘the stars’ very emotional mummy x

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